The Mouthpiece

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you do say will be misquoted and used against you.

A little filler whilst I procrastinate my way through the month…

The game’s out there and it’s play or get played.

Omar Little.

Watch what you eat…

These pictures were taken on Silent Valley Ranch, Waterberg Mountains, South Africa last year. A farmer woke up to find a nice surprise on his electric fence and a missing impala…




America Vs ‘British Petroleum’


Here speaks the voice of intelligence once more…

Yet again another celebrity presupposing that his harebrained opinion is wanted.

Isn’t it about time you started tallying up those ‘fuel free’ air miles of sermonising hey Brad?

What a prat!

Forget Glee. Listen to a real primary school choir. The ps22 chorus is an elementary school from public school 22 in Graniteville, Staten Island in New York . It is comprised of 60-70 fifth-graders, and is directed by their choir teacher Gregg Breinberg. Listen to their remake of Travis Garland’s hit ‘Believe' featuring the real singer himself.

This is real talent.

Somebody reserve a seat at the bar for Charles Kennedy…


Political rumours have emerged over the last couple of days that the ex leader of the Liberal Democrat Party from 1999 until 2006 Charles Kennedy might be defecting to Labour. Kennedy opted against the proposed coalition with the Conservatives a few months ago upon the basis of a more favourable coalition with the Labour Party and rumours have now emerged that he is averse to the massive spending cuts the coalition government are making. Terrific news. The coailition is in fear of causing a double dip recession at this rate with dangerously excessive cuts centred around the NHS and the education system. Is this what you voted for? The public complained about the ‘massive deficit the labour party have created’ over the past few years despite leading economists having claimed that Brown made the right decision in terms of long-term proposals in regard to recovery. What has Barack Obama done in the last few months? Pumped money into the American economy. The result? America are now finally beginning to see light at the end of the economic tunnel.

Charles Kennedy…the front door is wide open.

Vote Labour!

Listen to Cee-Lo Green from Gnarls Barkley’s new single…what do you think?

Quite catchy?

Sweetie darlinggg…

I seem to be focused upon moaning about ‘the old days of comedy' today. No idea why. After this post I'll shut up for fear of sounding like a pretentious tit. Anyway, how can I have mentioned old school comedy without giving a quick endorsement to the genius of Jennifer Saunders’ Absolutely Fabulous. I nearly had a heart attack upon realising last week that the majority of my flatmates in Uni had never watched it before. Sheer comic genius. Focused upon a fashion loving, binge drinking waste of space mother Edina and her chain smoking, glamorous yet hideously deluded, lifelong friend Patsy. Ab Fab focuses upon the reliant relationship Eddie has with her traitor of a daughter Saffy who’s everything Edina hoped she wouldn’t be - sensible, clever, dedicated and allergic to ‘what’s in’ and haute couture.

If you’ve never seen it before watch it and if you’ve watched it to death, watch it again! Preferably with a glass of wine in hand or if you’re a fan of the herbal ways of life a nice smoke. You won’t be able to stop laughing.

To kill a mockingbird. The best book ever written?

Without wanting to sound hideously predictable coming from an English student, read it before you rule it out. Aside from exploring the racial and gender prejudices adherent in nineteen sixty’s America it also focuses on the naive innocence and unparalleled imaginative capabilities inherent within young children and, as William Blake explored in The Songs of Innocence and Experience, how experience often eradicates the beauty of innocence The narrator’s father Atticus Finch is the resounding hero of social morality.

To kill a mockingbird is the only novel to be published by Harper Lee. In my eyes she had no need to write another book. If you want to watch the DVD watch the Gregory Peck version, none of the other remakes are worth a look in.

Buying a drink? Listen up.

Having been a barmaid for a number of years now to pay my poor ass through University I’ve become aware of the irritating ways customers can get such a simple procedure as ordering a drink so very very wrong. So, here we go, for all you binge drinkers out there I’ve compiled a list of the do’s and don’ts when you’re standing opposite that smiling bartender…

1) Always order Guinness first. Do you know how long it takes to pour? Don’t hand your money over to pay and then realise you’ve forgotten the Guinness, you will annoy me.

2) Do not doubt a bartender’s intelligence. If they’re like me they’ve been doing it for years and therefore, shockingly, we do have the mental capacity to be able to remember more than two drinks at a time.

3) It is not ok for me to stand round for five minutes waiting until you’ve finished your conversation with the person next to you before you pay. Order the drinks, then pay, then have your conversation.

4) Always know what drink your wife wants before you come to the bar. I don’t have the time, nor the patience, to stand around whilst you shout across the pub and your companion takes another five minutes umming and ahhhing about what she wants to drink.

5) Contrary to my bad hair day appearance I am not a dog. If you bang on the bar to get my attention I’ll make a habit of serving you last.

6) If you’re lucky enough to look under eighteen bring ID. If you don’t bring ID I won’t serve you. DO NOT stand at the bar for another ten minutes pretending to search in your bag for the identification that is blatently not there and then proceed to try and sweet talk me into serving you.

and finally,

7) Do not stand there and argue with me about the ‘disgustingly overpriced beers in this establishment’. Even if I do sympathise with you which, admittedly, if you’re arguing with me I probably don’t, I do not set the bar prices. I am not the bad guy. Shut up.

Bull rams into crowd in Spain.

Look at that?

  Can’t help but have a lack of sympathy however. Bull fighting is an extremely cruel sport with serious dangers. What do you expect?